OnTap Magazine

ontapmag.co.za | Summer 2024 | 57 DAYS LEFT TO COMPETITION 40 Right. So my eight test IPAs are in their respective little fermenters and bubbling away. The guest bedroom where I keep my alchemic creations smells great! Somewhere between pineapple heaven and freshly mown hay. Is hay mowed? Not sure, but if it is, that's what it smells like around here. I'm starting to feel good about this thing. Maybe it's time to clear out a space in the bar for that gold medal . . . DAYS LEFT TO COMPETITION 32 Minor problem. Two of the testers bubbled a bit too vigorously last night and are now attempting a coordinated escape from their fermenters. Initial investigations revealed that they also smell more like the stuff cows produce after eating freshly mowed hay. They will be mercilessly culled from the herd (the two IPAs, not the cows). DAYS LEFT TO COMPETITION 30 The remaining five test brews are bottled! There should have been six, yes, but something happened that involved my auto-siphon, bottles falling over, and having to go to the emergency room with a piece of glass in my big toe. I don't want to talk about it. DAYS LEFT TO COMPETITION 15 I called a buddy who knows someone who works with another person who works at a brewery. I meet this mysterious benefactor in a shady alley behind said brewery and make the exchange. I check that I'm not being followed and then drive home the long way round. All good. Tomorrow: Brew day! DAYS LEFT TO COMPETITION 21 Time for the taste test! I briefly considered but discarded the idea of doing a blind tasting. Last time I did that I got all the numbers and versions mixed up, so none of that. As I'm savoring each one and making copious notes, I call up the club competition coordinator to confirm that they have me up for the IPA category. I mention that I'm evaluating test brews and her response is, "You haven't started your submission beer yet?" The tone of horror tinged with shocked amusement in her voice is unwelcome to say the least. I check the calendar. I check it again. Surely there is enough time? Surely? DAYS LEFT TO COMPETITION 20 There is definitely not enough time. I am doomed. 19 After a few calls to fellow homebrew nerds and my twelfth re-read of Palmer's How to Brew, I'm in good spirits. Sure, I may have left it a little late, but world- beating beers have been brewed in less time than this! Why not mine? Why indeed. DAYS LEFT TO COMPETITION DAYS LEFT TO COMPETITION 16 One reason why is that you can't brew beer without base malts. Which is what my local homebrew shop just ran out of. That's for sure one reason. DAYS LEFT TO COMPETITION 14 Brew day. Brewing playlist loaded up, check. Coffee supply ready, check. Pets, children and other loved ones banished from the brewhouse / kitchen. Check. What can possibly go wrong? Well, you can run out of LPG propane for your burner in the middle of a country-wide shortage of the stuff. That could go wrong. But I digress. Fortunately, I grab a refill from my neighbour, which is a plus. It does mean that I'll have to say yes to the next dinner invitation, which is a minus. But this is a beer competition we're talking about here. Things are about to get real. DAYS LEFT TO COMPETITION 13 In a flash of brilliance, I realise that the spare bedroom is perhaps not the best place to store my prize-destined beer. Mostly because it's summer and the ambient temperature in there is just a tad less than the surface of the sun. Instead, I empty out the wine fridge and gently place (or: shoving while cursing) the fermenter inside its climate-controlled innards! My better half is looking at me funny and muttering about "priceless Bordeauxs," but the brew is now chilling at a livable 19 degrees Celsius. Life. Is. Good. DAYS LEFT TO COMPETITION 10 So, it's normal to sort-of stick your entire arm into the fermenter to fish out the thermometer you dropped in there, right? I'm sure the wild yeast I carried in from gardening will only improve things. Note to self: buy a probe thermometer for next time. Second note to self: what's the point of knowing what the beer's temperature is at this stage anyway?